In the land of our ancestors, the Celts

Arrival in Dublin

Here we are at London Heathrow! With in our stomachs the fantastic penne with a special sauce that MidLands offered us on the plane (they said it was a mushroom sauce but in my opinion there must have been salmon in it, otherwise there'd be no explaining why it keeps coming back up from my stomach!). So we go in search of the "Romans", who in fact arrived from Rome a couple of hours earlier. First we try to contact them by cell phone with little success. After wandering through gates 80-90 from which flights to Dublin depart, where we don't meet anyone, we finally contact our group leader, a certain Gianni Righetti from Rimini; we immediately tell him (lying) that we're at gate 82, whereupon he, with a mix of Italian-Romagnolo, says "Mò what the hell are you saying, I'm here and there's not a shadow of an Avventure [nel Mondo] Italian! You're taking the piss, aren't you?"

We head straight to gate 82 and as soon as I arrive a gentleman with a white beard (a mix between Hemingway, Felice Andreasi and Santa Claus), even before introducing himself, says to me: "Mò call this number right now, you see, the others are around, hurryyyy because we're taking the earlier flight, which leaves at 18:50 or rather 19:00 no 19:15...but who the hell remembers! Quick, find the others!" We immediately think that this guy in "Organization" has always had a failing grade!. We set off in search of the others without success; besides, our flight was already booked for 21:30...how the hell are we supposed to take the earlier one?

To kill time we take a tour of Heathrow. At a certain point Doni suggests "Mari, let's just go for a teeny moment to see what books they sell in here?" Doni's concept of "teeny moment" is very singular....After leafing through all the books present, after about 40 minutes she finally chooses her book...A book on Egypt...excellent choice! Too bad that afterward she realizes it was part of a trilogy...

Finally, having finally caught up with our companions from Rome, we board for Dublin. Arriving in Dublin we wait hopefully for our luggage.... Unfortunately the luggage from Milan doesn't arrive....We, who had put our luggage in garbage bags, take a tour of the airport dumps...in case they'd gotten confused....but beyond banana peels, empty cans and leftovers of the famous Irish stews (it's obvious that if they have to wait so long the luggage gets fed up, I think), nothing of our luggage. We file the report with MidLands which hands us an envelope per person with a t-shirt, and various accessories (toothbrush, toothpaste, perfume, razor blade, shaving foam...).

Downhearted we go to get a Taxi; there's a long line. The valiant Gianni is already in it and immediately stops a Taxi and in his macaronic English "Mò come here Vè, come on lads...Wait a moment boia!", he stops two more, triggering the (composed) reactions of a German. Whereupon Gianni starts yelling "I am the leader, I am di Avventure nel Mondo, Mò I send Fan culo to everyone Vè!, Mò lads behind me...we must stay united, where the hell are you!" A Policeman arrives and asks "What's Happen?"

Gianni "I'm the leader, mò we want go to hotel, boia! Mò we are twelve people! Dove casso siete?!" Pepino, indignant at Gianni's Italian-style behavior, comments "Ostia..what a figure, one must moderate one's words, Ostia, one must be polite, Ostia!" The Policeman: "Take it easy Sir, You are not the leader Here I am the leader!" There hadn't been such a commotion at Dublin airport since 1978, from how much it was feared that the famous Chinese hijacker (Motemando Dilì) was arriving on a plane! Finally we arrive at our Hotel. I, with just the t-shirt given to me as a pajama (size XXXXXXXXXL), looking like a Tibetan monk or simply an idiot, go off to sleep!

WHO SAW HER?

Here we are in Dublin! In the morning we immediately make the acquaintance of Teresa, a Neapolitan lady no longer young, an English teacher (let's say of "Engletalian", a mix of English and Neapolitan, e.g. "I Vuonte same Wuotta!" Translation into English "I want some water" in Italian "Voglio dell'acqua!") Suddenly a volcano appears, or rather "a crazy little sheep that runs off in all directions, you turn around for a moment and you can't see her anymore!" On top of that she puts on a pair of glasses with two lenses two centimetres thick, so much so that Enzo, as soon as he saw her, said "Bloody hell!, Signora Caccamo has come to Ireland! Who knows if the wives of Bruscolotti and Pogliana are here too!" After a morning spent wandering around, we move to a hostel about two or three km from where we are. We decide to walk there... bags on our backs and off we go!

After 40 minutes of effort we reach the vicinity of the hostel and we are about to ask for information, Nanda (also from Naples and no longer young), Teresa's bosom friend, says "But Teresa, where the hell is she?" (translation "But Teresa, where on earth can she be, for goodness' sake?") Pepino's comment: "Ostia, we've lost her! There are only 11 of us left...Ostia!" Gianni's comment: "Now kids, let's not joke around eh?, Now I'll send everything to hell eh?"

We arrive at the Hostel, we take possession of the rooms and we prepare for the search, I, who am downstairs in the hall, at a certain point see Teresa appearing from afar...I go up to her saying "Finally, is everything alright?" Teresa, shouting: "Don't touch me! Don't touch me! Get away! I'll report you all to the Police! You I can forgive but that Whore of a friend of mine! Now she'll hear from me!" As soon as she sees Nanda... "You're an old Whore! Get away! And to Gianni "And you, Pooh! Fuck off, you and this bloody Avventure nel mondo!"

Nanda: "What a Disgrace...Teresa calm down!"

The whole hostel has come down! Some ask if they have to pay for a ticket!

Gianni "Now no, everything's calm you see, now I'll smoke a nice cigar and send everyone to hell!"

Pepino: "Ostia, we need to stay calm, let's not make ourselves known, what a figure we'd cut? Ostia!"

The next day the local paper will read "the peaceful centre of Dublin disturbed by an Italian "Riot"!"

Arrival in Cork

Here we are in Cork, under a rain that starts off light but over the course of the day will become torrential! From the bus stop, bags on our backs, we go in search of the hostel with Gianni acting as head guide: "Come on kids, it's near here you see, 5 minutes!" After 15 minutes there's no trace of the hostel, having reached a fork our great guide says "Now yes, we need to take the road to the church, then right, no wait left...bloody hell what shite maps they make here...then we make a little bend..." While he keeps muttering in his Romagnol, Bruno raises his head and sees the hostel sign right in front of us, at which point Gianni says: "Now bloody hell! Even the maps are taking the piss out of me you see! Now as soon as I'm at the Hostel I'll smoke a cigar and I'll send everyone to hell myself!"

Here we are in the rooms of the Hostel: ours is a three-bed one, all three of us standing up don't fit, it's that small, at least one has to be in the bed! Bed, so to speak, I climb up onto the bunk bed and sink into it like Fracchia...Besides there's a crazy smell of dust and I think it's full of mites (which are not Icarus's relatives). Pepino says "Ostia, what kind of place is this...it feels like being on the Piave in 15-18! Damp, dirty, Ostia, I can't even get changed!"

Before a walk in the rain, Gianni outlines his plan for the holiday, places, nights of stay...." While we all more or less agree, Nanda doesn't and repeatedly says "What the hell are we doing there for two days, no but what a disgrace, what did we come here for if we don't even go there" and Teresa "I came to do trekking, I've even been up to 3000 metres, you lot aren't capable of it but I walk a lot, and what's this? I have to walk, this is adventure trek!"

Gianni "now we need to stay calm you see, I'm breaking my back for you..if it were up to me I'd send everyone to hell! Now I'm going to get the timetables at the book office!"

In the evening Gianni updates us on the bus times for the next day: "You see we have to get up at 6.30, because the bus leaves at 7.45, or 7.50, here it says 8.00 and here 7.55, now I don't understand anything you see, these Irish are a real bunch of shites you see!"

Glengarriff

Finally "OH SUN!" as good Teresa says: "Eh what's this? Has this rotten weather finally stopped raining? Let's go for a walk lads!" And indeed here's our first trekking route: 15 km on asphalt....when we got home our feet were at a temperature of 70 degrees Celsius! Nanda's comment "What a Disgrace!...and this is trekking...on asphalt, how disgusting! What the hell did Avventure nel Mondo write!" The mild Gianni, on the other hand, stuffed himself with blackberries "Hey kids! Now do you know they're really good eh? Now they're even good for you eh? I can already feel an intestinal movement you see...now I'll go behind a bush and fertilise these meadows sending everyone to hell you see!" On our journey we also met a very sweet Horse to which I offered a delicious Eucalyptus candy.

Maybe because it was a bit strong...the fact is that after eating it he kept airing his tongue which was burning (anyway it did him good..the cough he had went away). On the way back we thought it good to give our little friend nothing less than "Banana peels", as soon as he ate them they had a beneficial and hallucinogenic effect on him, in fact he started doing Irish dances in an astonishing way (I later learned that the owner now has him working in a circus of which he has become the main attraction: "Charlie, the Dancing Horse!", with three banana peels he even learned to dance the tarantella!

In Glengarriff we were also able to admire the seals and what "great big seals!" Teresa's comment: "Eh what's this, don't they get bored always staying still these wretches? I would have gone mad already! In life you need a riot every now and then!" Nanda's comment: "How disgusting! All naked..fat and dirty too!" Teresa's reply "OHH! Now I've understood which animal you resemble, apart from the fat!"

Here we are in Dingle

Unfortunately the weather has turned gloomy again and two dreary days await us in Dingle. We sleep in a nice building that looks like a castle and finally we eat divinely thanks to Enzo's superlative cooking! Every good meal, however, has its downside...the next morning in fact the girls found in the bathroom that one of them, having just got up, discovered herself to be a painter...and thought it good to paint on the Toilet "Oh Vesuvio"...shame that "OH Vesuvio was in full activity...and erupted not lava!". The Vesuvian Pinturicchio then wanted to leave her masterpiece to posterity...!

We then went to see the bay where we caught a glimpse of the dolphin Fangie!

In the afternoon here we are on the Atlantic...while Angelo and I tasted the water of the Ocean (not even that cold) with a dip in the perilous waves...Gianni, intoxicated by the air full of sodium and addled by the noise of the waves, wandered around muttering "Bloody hell kids..what a sight, now I've already used 3 rolls of film you see, my finger's burning...now to tell the truth not just that one you see..last night I think I put too much paprika in the food!"

The next morning fortunately no more pictorial masterpiece...Our painter limited herself to "doing" "OH Fangie female" a "Sperm whale of a metre and a half" that slipped from the sewer into the sea to the immediate joy of Fangie: "Finally a female!" but as soon as he made her acquaintance..."She's a bitch like all the others too!" (Fangie, I've been told, has distant Neapolitan origins).

Galway

After a long bus journey under a leaden sky we arrive in Galway, a town full of life (there's even a casino full of little kids and old women greedy for money!) Teresa as soon as she enters the Casino: "Eh what's this, I've been to Sanremo, to Montecarlo, to Monte Vesuvio, what is this filth! This is a mess not a casino! And besides there are only Slot Machines...Dead life!

After an evening in a rather shabby place, deprived, as usual, of Teresa and Nanda, Gianni: "now let them do whatever they want you see, I really couldn't give a damn you see, it doesn't take me long to send them to hell, now I'll smoke a cigar kids as long as tomorrow they're there because otherwise I'll leave these pain-in-the-arses here!"

Aran Islands

After about 45 minutes of ferry we disembark on the ARAN islands, famous for their little sheep (not lost) and for their cliffs. We decide that almost all of us will rent bikes and we take a little ride under an increasingly gloomy and threatening sky. In the evening Pepino, Angelo and I and the two graceful young girls decide to "give ourselves over" to horse riding. We go to the riding school (so to speak, let's call it a stable) and they give us the horses but, unfortunately, the "ride" turns out to be a walk with the owners on foot accompanying these horses, rather sad and annoyed (they certainly would have preferred to stay in the stable watching television, they were showing the series "Fury, the horse of the West", very popular in the ARAN islands).

They stuck a bike helmet on me, but the trouble is that my horse had no gears (they told me he was castrated some years ago)..To Pepino instead they gave a motorbike helmet...he was in front of me: "Ostia...I need to give it a bit more gas...I'm not moving forward Ostia"...he shouldn't have said it, the horse immediately did a "burst of gas" in my face!

Anyway personally the hour on horseback served as an hour of English since I spoke almost always with Patrick, a likeable and intelligent lad, a student in Limerick.

In the evening, while outside Jupiter Pluvius raged with great arrogance strongly supported by Aeolus, the great Enzo prepared a delicious dinner....Risotto...stews....washed down with excellent Irish beer...so good that Teresa thought it good to pour a glass of it down my back "Eh what's this! Just a bit of foam!"

In the morning here we are at breakfast. Immediately Gianni and Teresa help themselves to everything, including a mash (barley and whatnot) that a Dobermann would have looked at with distrust. Gianni: "Now I couldn't give a damn you see...it doesn't taste of anything but it's good, besides I'm hungry.

bloody hell how good this butter is! No..I eat it without bread because bread raises my blood pressure you see...it does me harm" Teresa: "I've taken this bloody soup..eh what's this, "excuse me madamme, whatte is this sup?" Eh what's this..as usual they understood nothing! These wretches don't speak good English!" Nanda: "What do I care, how disgusting!, that idiot of my son hasn't called me for three days! That son of a b..! Meanwhile outside the water falls with unheard-of violence! Wind and water, having allied themselves, unleash their fury against the windows of our hostel...Only mad people could think of going outside...or mad women...: Nanda and Teresa, wearing twenties-style little capes, Fantozzi-style fisherman's boots, indomitable, leave the Hostel! Teresa "Eh what's this! For a little bit of water! As if it were the Riot!" Clear and indelible in my mind will remain their pass

ing in front of our window! Two humanoid figures dragged by the wind and battered by the storm!

Teresa "Eh what's thiiiiiis! The storm! This wretchhhhhhhhh!, Nanda where the hell are you running! Stay heeeere" Nanda "What a Disgraceee...dragged by the wiiiind, hold me Teresa! I'm flyingyyyy!" Pepino "Ostia...two fewer, well all things considered I didn't even like them..Ostia! Gianni "Now I couldn't give a damn you see..these pains in the arse! They're of age and well matured too you see! Their problem, I'm going to smoke a good cigar..send everyone to hell!"

Finally in the afternoon the sun comes out and we can go and see the legendary cliffs! In the midst of the spray of the waves, which savagely crash on the rocks, a legendary image has remained impressed on me: Gianni trying to light his cigar in the midst of the wind and the spray, sticking his head inside a hole in the wall of an old Celtic castle..."Bloody hell it won't light you see...this bloody wind! Now what a sight though! Bloody hell! I've burnt my hand you see!"

Back to Galway

Ready to return to dry land, ferry departure at 12.30. I, the two sweet damsels, Pepino and Angelo arrive 5 minutes early with Gianni furious "Now where the hell were you, now we'll settle accounts you see, it doesn't take me long to leave you here with these bloody sheep you see, anyway you're a bunch of sheep, fuck off!" Anyway we all leave and in about an hour we're back in Galway kissed by a beautiful sun! In the evening, after a rather colourless little dinner, we go to a pub to listen to live Irish music! Naturally without Nanda and Teresa who have gone off to bugger off on their own! The atmosphere and the music of the Pub is such that we are all seized by an irrepressible desire to dance...and we dance...including our valiant captain: "now this music kids puts happiness on me you see...now I'll let myself go too, I'm not old you see...if some Irish girl comes along I reckon I'll k

eep the Italian flag flying high you see, or rather of Sant'arcangelo...up with the flagpole and go bloody hell!" After a few dances a typical Irishman, big, fat, full of beer, with features harder than iron and a face fairly full of "attitude" comes up to me and says "Excuse me sir, we are not the license for dancing!" At which point I try to convince him that dancing is beautiful and so does Gianni "Now Dans is biutifuuul you see, What cass do you want.. bloody hell!, now I smoke a cigar and send Fanc culo Everybody!"

Alas the bloke is immovable...no Dancing at which point our captain leaves the venue amid a triumph of shouts and chants in his honour! ("Now Bloody hell! These Irish are blockheads but likeable you see, it's been since I was in the military that I haven't felt such an intense emotion..now I almost feel like crying you see...")

The last act is when the Irish anthem is sung, everyone standing with their hand on their heart, at least the Irish, because as soon as I too put my hand on my heart a not very reassuring "I..." face makes me take it off immediately (and to think I didn't mean to mock at all, it's certainly not my habit you see!)

Cliftden

The next morning all ready to leave for Cliftden, there are 12 of us, we call 3 taxis which will have to load four of us at a time to go to the station. The last taxi is for Nanda, Teresa, Maria and Doni but... twist, at the station only Nanda and Teresa arrive. Immediately I ask "And the girls?" Nanda attacking me "How should I know!, we took the taxi! There was no one left, what the hell do you want!" Gianni furious "Now bloody hell! You left them there, now what have you got in place of your brains you see..the lava of Vesuvius? You didn't think you had a private taxi you see, now this is too much!"

Teresa "Eh what's this! So it's our fault now, you Stronzo and Bruno too (who had dared to criticise them) you wretches! We didn't even know where the station was...now I was getting lost again, you idiot!"

Nanda: "How disgusting! What a disgrace! now it's my fault, Avventure nel mondo won't see me again..Filthy lot!"

Soon the bus station comes alive with people rushing to see what on earth is happening! Peppino "Ostia, we need to stay calm!, Let's not make a spectacle Ostia! Let's shout in silence!"

It was since 1979 that such a "Riot" had occurred at Galway station, since there was a strike of the Aran sheep ferrymen (or of those sheep-like ferrymen I don't remember well!)

Finally here comes a new Taxi with the sweet creatures with a look of a mixture of disbelief, fright, relief, amusement.....they will go down in history as the first people who managed to lose a taxi they had called!

Towards the epilogue

Towards Clifden after a journey of about three hours on the bus. I, struck by a sudden fit of sleep, "doze off", at a certain point I dream of Teresa: "Eh what's this oh Riot! Oh Riot! Oh Riot!", I too seized by panic wake up with a start shouting "Oh Riot!", The driver turns around and stops the bus asking "What's Happen!" at which Teresa: "nathing sorre! Is only a drim a badde drimme of my frende!"...The driver, without understanding a damn thing, sets off again!

At a certain point a typical specimen of northern Irishman gets on. Height 1.80, 1.85, weight 100, 110 KG, square and rough face (the rams of Lazio are much gentler...), big nose with a Himalayan forest inside, with coloured parrots attached. These individuals have the virtue of being recognisable from a distance not so much because they're big, but because of the smell they emanate...a mix of rotten eggs, manure and matured sweat.....

They are certainly people to be respected (on their rough faces is sculpted the age-old misery suffered by the Irish people and one can read crude novels of toil and humility, a warning for our civilisation which is, alas, too consumerist and spoiled) but there's a rumour that, since sometimes, especially in summer, they sleep in the mountain pastures with their sheep, the ASI (Association Irish Sheeps, association of Irish sheep), at the express request of the sheep, has asked that this no longer happen because the stench was unbearable and the sheep could no longer rest!

Back to Dublin

After a journey of over 4 hours through the interior of Ireland we return to Dublin! We are staying in the university citadel. To enter our rooms we have to pass through three armoured doors with a special badge, as soon as we manage to get in we find ourselves in a room that reminds us of Alcatraz (probably there it was easier to get in)!

In the evening we go desperately in search of an open restaurant...but without success! We have to make do with a few pre-packaged sandwiches. Luckily we find a nice Pub and we settle in.

Enzo shows off his palm-reading ability...When he reads Gianni's, after a while all serious he says "You had a physical problem a couple of years ago, probably in your arm, or rather your shoulder!" Gianni: "Now I don't think so you see" Enzo: "Are you sure" Gianni "Now bloody hell!, Now I'm addled you see, It's true, I dislocated it and I was even operated on you see, now how could I not remember, obviously, this he knew because Gianni had confided it to him two weeks earlier at the airport!

The next morning Enzo and I rush off to have breakfast, rushing because it's raining, but we immediately see hidden cameras everywhere and we slow down, on the advice of Pepino who has joined us ("Ostia, easy, you never know, if they saw us running they might shoot us, Ostia! lead hurts..it pollutes!)

We spend the day visiting Dublin. The Irish are worse than the Scots, to visit the Churches you have to pay! The "great Enzo" enters a church all breathless shouting "Mamy, Mamy, where is mamy?" "Excuse me i'm looking for my mamy, she is very old, can I Go?

After 15 minutes of free visit here he comes back disconsolate "What a pity, I didn't find my mamy!"

In the evening the "last supper" in a Mexican place where I eat a Chiwy (or however the hell you write it) unseasoned and quite disgusting which I'll digest the next day, by then in Italy!. Teresa and Nanda are with us too... Not even Nanda appreciates the cuisine "How disgusting! They should be ashamed, no salt, no oil...now they've taken us for goats these wretches!" While Teresa "Eh what's this, calm down, all it needs is to go down and tomorrow you'll poo it out without problems!"

Back home

It's all over now! In Dublin, at the airport, Doni, despite being, like all of us, half asleep, since it's dawn, manages to spot a package of garbage bags (transparent ones, no less!), onto which we throw ourselves greedily like the thirsty onto a mirage! We put our luggage inside, hoping it arrives safe and sound and... on time! We take the plane from Dublin to London and, after a 3-hour wait, Teresa arrives too, who had a seat on another plane, welcomed by a burst of our applause and shouts that draw everyone's attention (Ostia! We're in London! Let's shout and clap in silence! Says Pepino)

We all say goodbye, agreeing to meet up again next autumn!

Conclusion I had two goals when I embarked on this trip to Ireland:

· To relax without suffering the heat of the sweltering Italian summer · To have fun meeting people, hopefully likeable ones

I must say, in all honesty, that I was very lucky because I achieved both.

As for the second point, I must say that reality exceeded my expectations. In fact, the varied personalities of the group members came together perfectly to form a puzzle for a design that was surely fascinating and, why not, a little eccentric, seasoned with a sufficient dose of irony present in all of us, irony that is the salt of every shared adventure!

Of course, time will inevitably make the memories and images fade, but I'm sure that as soon as I reread these four "bits of nonsense" I've written, the memory of all of you will come flooding back vividly and... well, it will be like breathing a bit of the fresh Irish air!

I hope it will be the same for you!

"Hey, what's this! This big phony is being rhetorical! We need Tumulto!" "Damn, now I'm getting emotional... so I'll smoke a cigar and tell everyone to go to hell!"